Marriage - the subtle art of compromise.
At the beginning of a relationship, it seems that one love will be enough to live a wonderful life. This life will surely be full of happiness, children's laughter, romantic evenings, passionate nights, interesting things.
Wedding seems like the beginning of an exciting journey into happiness under the sail of love.
Time passes, children appear, worries are multiplying like a snowball, the routine draws in the swampy duckweed yesterday's lake of fresh and sharp passion. And one day, looking at a man who once gave her hand and heart, the recent bride with horror thinks: I do not like my husband.
He also looks without previous interest. Sometimes allows himself to say in the style of "not such a girl, I led to the crown." It happens otherwise: the husband still shows tenderness, tries to captivate with business or conversation, but there is no strength or desire to respond to him in return. Listening to herself, a woman hears only the rustle of autumn leaves and, feeling a bitter feeling of guilt, sighs: "I do not like my husband."
Marriage on the verge of collapse: depression, tears in the pillow, the feeling of a life lived in vain, resentment, self-disgust. The woman is the keeper of the home, the girl learns this axiom from her young nails. And when there is no longer any moral strength in this hearth, all that remains is to blame yourself. Someone is trying to solve the case with a divorce (but, after all, children, children!), Someone starts a lover, someone just goes out.
In fact, nothing terrible happens. Anyway, bye. In no case can you blame yourself: jokes with bad conscience are bad. You just need to stop, sort out your feelings. And remember that every woman has a thought about lost love sooner or later!
I do not like my husband: the reasons for the breakup of marriage
Psychologists believe that marriages fail for three main reasons:
• emotional immaturity;
• wrong choice of partner;
• a family crisis that could not be survived.
It happens that emotionally immature, very young people get married, surrendering to an impulse or trying to solve their problems. Fear of loneliness, an attempt to improve the financial situation at the expense of the partner, the desire to establish their independence - all this may be the reason for entering into a marriage. As soon as the problem is solved, there are no reasons for living together. Young people are not ready for the fact that marriage is a big responsibility.
"Did not get along", people say about people who couldn’t or didn’t want to find the key to each other. Most often they were joined by blinding passion. When its fog cleared, two completely opposite people turned out to be in the family boat. Values, life principles, their priorities are so they differ in that it’s simply impossible to live together. Constant irritation quickly ends a marriage. If a girl gets married too young, or does it by calculation, or married the wrong man, succumbing to passion, she sooner or later finds out that she doesn’t like her husband . Maybe the feeling will come over time? Who knows.
Finally, family crises can destroy even a strong attachment to each other. If there is no understanding, respect, desire to agree, the marriage may end in divorce. Moreover, during marriage, a husband and wife, as a rule, go through several crisis stages:
• crisis of subsided passion;
• childbearing crisis;
• crisis of seven years: I want diversity;
• midlife crisis: "gray in a beard - a rib in the edge";
• 25 years crisis: loss of life guidelines.
As soon as candies are in the past and people begin to live together, the partner’s idealization is no longer possible. During the first marriage year, young people experience a first relationship crisis. The birth of a child becomes a new test, with the main burden placed on the shoulders of a woman. Seven years later, a new crisis comes: both partners are rather tired of routine, I want diversity, new impressions. Well, if both can find a joint hobby and have not yet lost the marital ardor. And if not?
Midlife crisis associated mainly with the sexual rebellion of men. On marriage, it affects the most pernicious way. After a quarter of a century, lived together, the crisis comes again. Realizing themselves at sunset, people lose their life orientation, can become depressed.
The woman who discovered that she no longer loves her husband, most often finds herself in the maelstrom of crisis. However, to realize the change in your attitude towards your spouse does not mean to stop loving him.
I do not like my husband: how to survive a family crisis
Negative to her husband can accumulate over time. Some minor insults, unspoken claims, constant physical and psychological fatigue, a bored life, a serious resentment against a spouse who cannot be forgotten in any way — all this affects the cooling of the woman’s feelings. “I don't like my husband,” she increasingly thinks, under constant stress. Sooner or later an explosion will occur.
What should be done? Here are a few mandatory points that should not be ignored.
1. Look at their relationship with her husband as if from the outside. Analyze exactly what and why she feels. Very often, it is chronic fatigue - the culprit of the apparent dislike.
2. Imagine what a house would be like without a husband. What feelings come in response to this picture? If this relief, liberation, ease, euphoria - a woman, alas, does not really love her husband. If a house without a spouse seems strange and cold, and emotions are negative (fear, melancholy, emptiness), all is not lost. Kindle the light of love can be.
3. Try to forgive what lies a heartbeat, does not allow to feel the same feelings for her husband. The ability to forgive is a great gift given to a few. But there are ways to cultivate this quality in yourself. Psychologists, books, work is a must - maybe you should start with this before putting an end to the family? At stake is no less - Love!
4. Stop comparing husband with other men. Instead of digging in the merits of others, you need to evaluate your spouse, find and name all his positive qualities to yourself. How often, for some minor shortcomings, the whole idea of a person is lost!
5. Be sure to talk to your husband, talk about your condition. It is quite difficult, but necessary. A loving person is capable of a miracle. Maybe it will be possible to deal with past grievances, to find a compromise in those issues that cause irritation. In any case, silence and nothing can be done. Marriage is a union of two people, so both should be involved in solving the problem.
The main thing is not to break the wood. Maybe “I don't like my husband” - is this too much said? But the words of dislike can deeply hurt a loving person and destroy marriage with their own hands. Will it be possible to glue a broken cup?
I do not like my husband, and for good reason
It is sad when a woman can no longer have confidence and respect for her spouse for objective reasons.
“I don't like a husband” are most often said by wives of husbandsalcoholics, drug addicts, gambling addicts. These are serious reasons for breaking a marriage, especially if you have children. The asocial needs of such men make joint living impossible. Trust is undermined by constant deception, and love is destroyed by humiliation, insults, fear, and hatred.
Very quickly forget about the past affection of his wife rowdy and fighters. If a man raises his hand to his woman, there can be no question of any love for him. Of course, there are stories of insane love, which beatings are not terrible. There is an expression "Beats - means, loves". But if the beatings are not perceived as a violation of social and legal norms, it is more a question of pathology, perverted psychological dependence, than of true love.
You can stop loving instantly and forever by learning about treason husband. And the man sincerely does not understand why his offense caused such a sharp reaction. The fact is that men and women have a different understanding of adultery. If a man changes his body, then a woman - first of all soul. That is why the violation of marital fidelity causes her complete upheaval in relation to her husband.
Feelings for another person can also destroy a marriage. This is the most common cause of divorce. Logic works: I love another - it means I do not love my husband.
I do not like my husband and decided to divorce
Whatever the reasons, women who decide to divorce, are experiencing severe stress. Together with marriage ends the best part of life, usually associated with youth, purity, trust. Only a very strong woman can allow himself to abandon these memories.
Go through the procedure of divorce is very difficult. Nerves, fear, stress, painful thoughts on the topic: am I right? Or maybe it was not worth to break a relationship? Deciding on a divorce, you need to prepare for the fact that it will be very painful and bitter. Ask for moral help from relatives, take a vacation after the trial and go on a trip - alone or in the company of a friend.
Make a decision to divorce - a very crucial step. But it must be done if living together is impossible. To endure humiliation, negative emotions, fear, if there is no love for a long time, you should not. Very often this happens “for the sake of children”. But you need to understand that children are just an excuse. In fact, a woman is afraid of responsibility, of female loneliness, of not coping with the situation, that is, she is following the path of least resistance. The result is a spoiled life, constant depression, dissatisfaction with yourself, guilt. All this will necessarily affect children.
Divorce - very difficult decision. Take it only on a cold head. A woman takes responsibility not only for herself, but also for her children. That she has to explain to kids why dad does not live with them anymore. But children equally love both mom and dad, it will be difficult for them to understand the vicissitudes of adult life.
I do not like my husband, but I can not leave
Even having lost love, a woman can save a family. The reasons may be different:
• unwillingness to change the adjusted life, to lose property;
• financial dependence on the husband;
• fear of “not pulling” children;
• pity for the spouse;
• fear of loneliness.
All these are negative moments that make a woman unhappy and weak. Well, if she manages to hold back, avoid scandals, if she learns to hide her depressed state from her child.
But there is another, positive moment. Sometimes the realization that there is no more love does not in the least affect the relationship of the spouses. It is all about understanding the word "love." If young people rather speak about passion, which, alas, passes very quickly, then middle-aged people perceive love relationships differently. Even if there is no strong physical craving for each other, love is filled with a new meaning: respect, acceptance, acceptance.
I really do not like my husband or just tired?
Dreams of complete freedom or fantasy about another man are not always a sign that a woman no longer loves her husband. Not necessarily officially divorced. It is enough just to leave for a while, relax from each other, children, and routine to look at your spouse with the same loving eyes. Give yourself time to think, cool, reflect on alternatives.
To test your true attitude towards your husband, you can calmly, without hysterics and emotions, evaluate your marriage and answer a few questions.
• If I and my husband could be in a different situationcompletely different from today's and causing a feeling of joy, satisfaction, would we still be together?
• If the husband goes to another woman and thereby liberates me, will I be happy?
• If he takes the initiative in intimate respect, asking me about what I always secretly wanted, would I agree or refuse? Will joy bring me intimacy with my husband?
• Why I still have not changed in myself what my husband does not like (and I know that for sure)?
• Will I be glad if the husband changes in himself what annoys me (habits, appearance, demeanor and speech)?
Often, reticence, fatigue, and usual stubbornness cause a cooling of relations. One has only to honestly admit to oneself this, and the phrase “I no longer love my husband” will seem far-fetched and ridiculous.
The best cure for such a dislike is respect, openness, willingness to compromise.
