Practically every person faces a sense of guilt and shame for any misconduct in life. This is one of the most destructive emotions, which does not give a normal life, causes painful experiences and emotional distress.
Obsessive guilt, which we could not in time to extinguish in the soul, gradually eats from the inside, negatively affecting personal life and relationships with people. It does not move on, turning into a complex from which self-esteem suffers. How to get rid of obsessive guilt and forgive yourself for the mistake made in the past?
How to get rid of guilt psychology
Guilt feelings are not just remorse for perfect misconduct, which tend to experience a normal person. This is aggression, an internal reproach of oneself for a mistake, self-flagellation for acting or inaction in a situation that cannot be rectified.
A person feels obliged to everything, cannot get rid of the complex of "always guilty". As a rule, the cause of obsessive shame is laid since childhood, and is imposed on parents and teachers.
Phrases and reproaches like: "You have torn the pants and now I have to work even harder to buy them for you," form in the child's mind a sense of guilt before the parents, the kid considers himself the source of all the trouble and problems of adults.
In adulthood, a person tries to be good for everyone, afraid to offend or disappoint others, and not only close ones. If some life situation happens to him, in which he had to act, in his opinion, wrong or bad, he searches for the cause only in himself, he is constantly tormented by his conscience for what he has done, he cannot forgive himself.
The psychology of the problem lies in the behavior of the individual. A person with a guilt complex behaves like this:
- does not enter into disputes, discussions, avoids conflicts, cannot defend his position, fearing the reaction of others;
- constantly analyzes, whether he told someone, whether he did it right;
- tries to adjust to the expectations of another person, wants to be perfect and good;
- afraid to offend others with words, statements;
- it is easy to manipulate such a person, he is often used for mercenary purposes;
- it's hard for him to refuse and say no.
How to get rid of guilt and shame
To get rid of the feeling of "eternal guilty" and forgive yourself for mistakes, use advice of a psychologist:
1. A psychological device that helps to see and assess the problem from the side. Describe all the things that cause you inner concern and shame on a piece of paper. State your act, for which you are tormented by conscience, in all the smallest details. At the end of the confession write the reasons why you had to do this. Find an excuse for your action and forgive yourself for it, then burn a piece of paper. You should have the feeling that, along with the paper, all the negative emotions that destroy life burn away.
2. Tell about your painful experiences to someone who can understand you. This may be a psychologist, a specialist in a trust service, or a confession in a church.
3. Try to forget the deed that causes heartache. Use one of the methods of psychology: if you have thoughts and memories of your deed - speak out loud the key phrase that you think up yourself, for example, "We continue to live on," "Everything will be fine."
Causes of guilt feelings in a person
Feeling guilty, already becoming adults, we can in front of close and dear people, not knowing how to correct the situation. How to get rid of obsessive sensations, stop looking for reasons in yourself?
Guilt in front of the child causes and how to get rid
Many parents feel guilty about their own children when a child in adulthood did not achieve his goals, did not become who they wanted to see him.
Considering that if they put more effort into it, they would not make mistakes, the child’s life would have been different. This conviction makes parents miserable.
How to get rid of destructive feelings:
- stop blaming yourself, you must forgive yourself;
- give time and attention to the child, not forgetting about yourself, about your interests;
- ask for forgiveness, explain the reasons for the situation.
How to get rid of obsessive guilt in front of the mother
Adult children sometimes feel guilty before their mother for having grieved her too much in childhood, for being rude or not calling, not visiting during her illness.
Remorse for such behavior is often a hindrance to happiness and normal life.
- Guilt in front of mother disposal methods:
- speak frankly with your mother, ask for forgiveness for all the suffering she has suffered, so you can forgive yourself;
- If possible, pay more attention to parents.
How to deal with the feeling of guilt in front of a dead person
Especially painful experiences cause a feeling of guilt in front of the deceased mother, when there is no opportunity to ask for forgiveness from her. To get rid of the complex in front of a dead person, one should realize that it is impossible to return it and accept this fact. Mentally ask for forgiveness from a loved one, release the pain and remorse.
Guilt after alcohol - how to get rid of it
Another reason for which people tend to feel shame is obsessive negative feelings after drinking too much, or rather, their behavior. The conscience torments a person for a long time, he cannot forgive himself for his deed.
how get rid of negative emotions after alcohol:
- ask to forgive you for your deed;
- laugh at yourself;
- criticize yourself in the presence of others for your misdeed, admit that you are wrong and forgive yourself, promising that this will not happen again.
How to get rid of guilt and forgive yourself advice
To forgive yourself and stop being guilty, use tips and tricks:
1. Learn to be responsible for your decisions and your choices. Do not react to manipulations, this is only your decision and no one can influence it.
2. Be aware of and eliminate all causes that may cause remorse.
3. Stop pleasing everyone. It is impossible to be good for everyone.
4. Learn to say no, respect your choice and value your time. Explain to the person that you also have important things to do.
5. In any situation, be yourself, do not try to meet someone's expectations.
