Nina was among the rest of the smiling guests at her best friend's wedding. Of course, she was seen crying, but these were tears of joy for the bride’s happiness.
Or not?
Outwardly, Nina looked similar to the rest - happy and joyful young women. But she was overwhelmed with pain, a feeling of unhappiness and an intolerable feeling of loneliness.
“I am surrounded by friends who love me, and I love them,” she said. “Then what is wrong with me?” Why can't I be happy inside as well as outside? "
Nina suffered from an extremely painful form of depression, which is primarily characteristic of women, which is called "smiling depression."
This is a serious disorder with atypical symptoms, so many do not know that they are experiencing depression and do not seek help.
People with a “smiling depression” often have a partnership or marriage, have a job and a good education. There is no problem in their public and professional life. Their facade looks perfect.
In a study conducted with 2 thousand women, 89% of them admitted that they suffer from depression or anxiety, but hide their problems from friends, family and colleagues at work. These women were successful - sometimes even too successful - in all areas of life, but could not admit that they were experiencing depression.
It is the ability to function successfully that makes the "smiling depression" difficult to cure. Since these women do not seem unhappy and depressed, they do not believe that they should seek help.
What can you do if you yourself or someone close to you suffers from the symptoms of "smiling depression"?
1. The first step towards coping with any psychological problem is to acknowledge its presence.
This is difficult for people with a “smiling depression” because they are used to ignoring their feelings. They don’t even want to hear about depression, not recognizing its symptoms because of the fear of passing for “weak”. But a feeling of sadness, loneliness, a sense of hopelessness and anxiety are signs of emotional distress, not weakness. It is part of a wide range of human emotions, that appear with us due to various reasons, expressing the need for the support of others.
2. Talk to someone you trust.
People with symptoms of "smiling depression" are used to keeping their feelings within themselves.
They believe that others will not understand their feelings. They fear that loved ones will be so absorbed in their pain that they will not help cope with it. These women are convinced that there is no one who can share their pain.
Indeed, no one will save you from negative feelings. But sometimes it’s enough to put them into words and share with another person whom you trust and who are comfortable with you.
This is the first step towards change. Neurologists and psychiatrists have long been aware of this. This is the main reason why talk-based therapy helps patients feel better.
Choose the person you trust — a friend, relative, or professional — and tell them how you feel.
You can start your story by saying that everything in your life is good and you don’t fall apart, but you don’t always feel as happy as you look. You do not ask to relieve you of unpleasant emotions, you only want to find out whether the story about what you have in mind will bring relief.
If you are not used to discussing your feelings, you may experience anxiety, anxiety, discomfort, and even stress. But give yourself and the other person some time. You will be surprised at the positive and long-term effect of simply expressing your emotions.
3. Strengthen self-esteem.
Fluctuations in self-esteem are completely normal, but if we feel bad, we become even more critical and cruel to ourselves, bringing down self-esteem when it is already at zero.
Consider self-esteem as a kind of “emotional immune system” and work to strengthen it. Give yourself the sympathy and support that you would express to a friend who suffers from self-hatred.
4. If your girlfriend is suffering from a “smiling depression”, follow a few rules when listening to her.
First, admit that you cannot rid her of painful emotions.
Secondly, do not seek to console her immediately. Remind your friend that she is loved, even if not as perfect as she wants to be.
And thirdly, just let her speak out. Listen actively - that is, let her know that you hear and understand what she is talking about.
If you feel that you must take any action after a friend reveals her feelings to you, first discuss this with her. Express your concern and tell us how you plan to help. Listen carefully to her reaction.
5. Remember that no one is perfect.
Depression, including "smiling depression," is often fueled by the belief that you are not good enough, despite all efforts. It's great to have ambitious standards, but it’s important to understand when you set the bar too high for yourself.
Show empathy for yourself. Think about what you would say to a friend who is used to living to high standards.
Depression often goes hand in hand with unrealistic demands on yourself. Try to soften them. Remind yourself that you are a person - that is, you have good and bad qualities, strengths and weaknesses, strengths and weaknesses.
If you find it difficult to understand yourself, do not despair. In fact, most people are not able to cope with their feelings alone. That's what friends, family, pets, and psychotherapists are for!
